Cutting Through Family Secrets

 

While I was reading this tragedy that is soaked in love, my wife and I watched a three part documentary about Ernest Hemingway. Intertwined with photographs, home movies, and news clips were insights from writers and journalists whose craft and style had been influenced by Hemingway. Among them was Abraham Verghese, the author of Cutting for Stone. Seeing him explain Hemingway and his own debt to the famous writer shed new light on the action and themes within this novel. Death but also, sometimes violent as well as unrequited, yet costly even when realized, love wind through the book. The complex relationship between two twins born as their mother died and their father flees shapes the narrative. Both parents and later both sons are medical doctors. The last name of the father, and the sons, is Stone, and the father and one son are surgeons, hence one aspect of cutting for Stone. Literary allusions and historical events instill elegance and points of reference. The final seventy pages were the most powerful; they moved me to tears.

Families sometimes conceal secrets that make lives much more difficult for subsequent generations.  Fear of social acceptability or of responsibility rend relationships before they have a chance to form. Family secrets maim communication, they stunt the possibility of knowing fully.  In my own family, in one line, secrets tied apparently to social acceptance coupled with a courthouse fire have made it difficult to trace the genealogy beyond a certain person and her partner. Were they married? What ethnicity (ethnicities) were they? We don't know, although there has been speculation.  In the novel, feelings about the father who had fled influence the development of the sons and of course of the narrative.  As in the story, often in real families there are narratives, habits, and tendencies that appear again and again. Knowing the story of one's own family may not always bring joy, but can produce understanding and the potential for forgiveness. Verghese's story of the Stone family is complex and sometimes tragic, but also demonstrates how desire to help others and innate skills can help overcome obstacles, even while emotions and fear create new hurdles to clear. My prayer is that we can navigate the complexity of our backgrounds to learn how to love one another and to forgive those who have hurt us, or through their decisions, handicapped us. Ask questions about events or relationships you do not understand.  Realize that what embarrasses me or you may be helpful information for future generations. Speak truth to each other, but do so with love and compassion.

Loving for the Lord

Does God care how we treat other people? Does God care how generous we are? Why should I care what God thinks? These are questions I considered in my sermon, "Loving for the Lord," this past Sunday. I noted that I had chosen the text for the sermon to be delivered yesterday months ago, long before the tragic and sobering events in Charlottesville, Virginia, this past weekend. I made that statement because the text was relevant to why those events were so heinous and reprehensible. I encourage you to view the sermon and consider its message. When we consider hate, or a symbol of hate, to be our heritage, we should pause to remember that Jesus said that people would be able to identify his disciples by their love. The sermon is not simply a response to Charlottesville. In fact, I don't remember mentioning the city by name. It is a sermon delivered to a Christian congregation to address situations in their lives and in our culture, to help them and me assess how God wants us to live and to love. Comment if you have any questions or reaction. I encourage you to live, and to love, for the Lord.

The Great Physican

John chapter 5 describes a man who has been ill for more than thirty years. His frustration is increased by his perceived proximity to healing that remains always just beyond his realization His frustration ends one day when a stranger directs him simply to get up and walk. He arises, realizes suddenly he is healed, picks up his bed (cot?) and begins to walk home, only to be accosted by accusations that he is violating religious law by carrying the bed on the Sabbath. For years,decades, he had sought healing, but had not found it. Now he encountered one sometimes now called "The Great Physician;" both he and the healer are castigated by those so intent on keeping the fences of the law strong that that they forget the purpose of God's law, to heal and to save. Today, many still seek spiritual and physical healing for years. Too often, when they find it, alleged followers of Jesus castigate them for their prior affliction or because they still carry "baggage' from their illness or bad decisions. When Jesus later encountered the man whom he had healed, he told him to "go and sin no more." He did not handcuff the man to the sin or the illness he had known before forgiveness. He did not consign him to perpetual crippling by the scars of his past. Jesus came to heal soul and body. He urged people to realize the reality of their sin and to seek to escape it. He realized, though, that temptations would persist, and that scars would remain. He knew too about "older bothers" who never forget and seldom forgive long repented and now healed sin. Don't impede the Great Physician. Forgive and encourage those who have been abused, who have been scarred, who have made all the wrong decisions, but who now press forward, focused on the only one who can save them. Pleas don't distract them. The chart is one I remember my father preaching from when I was a child. The chart is mine now, and a few weeks ago I too preached from it. Dad taught me about the compassion of the Great Physician. He also warned of the scars that persist even after healing (forgiveness), and about those who seem to enjoy prolonging the pain for those who have fallen along the way.Jesus healed because he aligned himself with God the Father, who gave him the authority to heal those who were sick even when some thought it wasn't the right time or place.

What Are the Boundaries of Forgiveness?

Are there actions or attitudes for which we will not forgive people? Well-publicized stunts or statements that horrify and cross societal lines of decency like a "comedian's" posing with a bloody head of a politician or a rock singer calling for violence against a national leader stir frenzied retorts. If a perpetrator apologizes in the midst of widespread public outrage, many question the sincerity of that apology. A man is convicted of identity theft; a women is convicted of sex with a boy who was her student at local school. We find it difficult to trust. You learn that your physician also performs abortions, or that a high school friend exploded a bomb at an abortion clinic. A friend married someone of the same gender, or another friend condemned that action. Last year, I read a social media post that identified being against divorce and remarriage as the most important indicator of faithfulness to Christ. Here is the question: What do you do when any of these people or the people that they oppose (if you agree with them) start attending the church where you worship? What do you require as proof of repentance? What are your conditions before you will forgive? What do you believe are the limits of God's grace? Some of the situations mentioned above might require different responses; a few might have legal requirements that present challenges to any assimilation. What would Jesus do? He reached out and touched lepers. He told an adulterous women to "go and sin no more" after quieting a group of men that wanted to stone her to death. He told a parable of a father who forgave a rebellious son and celebrated his return with a party (His other son did not appreciate the celebration). He also rejected some who could not commit fully to discipleship. I do not intend to minimize the horror of sin. I do ask how well we handle forgiveness. I question how well we help the fallen get back on their feet. Are the boundaries we set the boundaries that Christ sets? If we think that they are, have we considered carefully the arguments of those who disagree with us? How well do we comfort those whom God has called to salvation? How do we protect those who are vulnerable if they fall back into sin? What are the boundaries of forgiveness?

Following Elijah, Not Jonah

Several weeks ago I asked for prayer. Since then, a short-term work assignment has kept me quite busy as I adapt to a senior supervisory role. During that time, I've also grieved as I've read news stories telling senseless violence - teenage boys killing an aged World War 2 hero; different teenage boys killing an Australian college athlete who was a student in our country, killing him because they were bored; and allegations of chemical warfare in Syria. I've also notice what appears to be an increasing militant opposition to Christianity and its values. This opposition sometimes presents itself in ways that threaten the free expression of religious practice by Christians. While Coptic Christian churches burn in Egypt, in America actions by churches are scrutinized for failures in political correctness. I've been discouraged also by Christians who act, speak, and write with apparent hatred for those who disagree. That is not my goal here. Jesus taught his disciples to love their enemies. As Christians, we should act with compassion and listen carefully to those who seem to oppose, to make sure that we understand correctly what they say. We should examine our actions, and the motives for those actions. We should avoid following in the steps of the prophet Jonah, who after preaching to a pagan city that its citizens should repent of their sins, camped outside the city so that he could watch God destroy it. Jonah, you see, didn't want his audience to hear his message. Elijah, who we remember because fire from God consumed his sacrifice, prayed that God would change the hearts of his audience. Elijah cared for the people who heard him. Love, however, does not always translate into tolerance. I might love someone who is determined to kill me, but I would seek separation from such a person. Neither Elijah nor Jonah tolerated the sins of the people to whom they preached. Elijah, however, loved them as he loved God, and because he loved them, sought to persuade them to change. Persuasion is a key words. Biblical Christianity persuades; it does not coerce. I ask again for prayer - for those Christians who are attacked by those who do not share our beliefs or values; for those Christians who act in hatred or fear feeling justified in doing so; for people who commit senseless acts of violence; and for those who seem to hate the cause of Christ and his values. May God turn their hearts back to him. That was Elijah's prayer. It is my prayer, too.

Milestones

I observed two milestones last week. I celebrated yet another birthday. Birthdays are still occasions of celebration for me. Their approach does not ignite flames of fear in my heart. Life is an adventure and I still yearn to see what lies around the next turn in the trail. The odometer in my car reached 140,000 miles last week. It was the first automobile that I had purchased new (or that had been registered in my name, for that matter) to survive that many miles. It has endured three major repairs, one provoked by another driver backing his vehicle into the side of mine. During the last repair decision, I seriously considered purchasing a new car. Perhaps because I have been the only owner, this car doesn't seem as old as other vehicles I have owned that had fewer miles. Although it is what rental companies generously call a "full-size" vehicle, it still gets twenty-eight miles a gallon on long highway trips. I enjoy driving it and, although occasionally I covet some of the technological advances of the last eight years, enjoy driving it. I feel safe. Those are a few of the reasons I hold on to this car. Both I and my car are growing older. But we still can move down the road together in relative comfort. It gets me where I'm going. Comfort does not require the most recent technological gadgets or the latest fashions. It can even survive appearing "dated," which seems to be the ultimate insult on some HGTV house hunting programs. Comfort does require some degree of familiarity and the ability to use with knowledge of what will happen next. Human relationships share many of the characteristics of my relationship to my car. We are comfortable with our friends and our spouses despite their eccentricities and their ages. We feel comfortable where we worship when we know what to expect and sense that leaders act responsibly. In both cases we make adjustments or repairs when radical change requires it. In both cases, loyalty and love require giving the opportunity to make the repair work. We continue to move down the road (or the prayer trail) together. We celebrate our milestones; they remind us that we (and our relationships) still survive.

Reflects on the Boston Marathon Explosions

In less than a minute, hundreds of runners and many more family members or friends had the reaching of a lifetime goal transformed into a memory of horror in Boston. Having run in a marathon, having trained two weeks in a trauma center, and having counseled and helped identify the dead in the aftermath of two helicopter crashes, I have some sense of the physical, emotional, and spiritual turmoil many must be experiencing now. I also pray for them and for members of the Massachusetts National Guard, some of who were on the scene. I served alongside Massachusetts Guardsmen in Afghanistan; they will do well, as they did yesterday, running to rescue and assist those injured by the explosions. We don't know yet who executed this horrific act, but many have rushed to assert their speculations. Some, I think rather strangely, have expressed their opinion that the government is considering them as suspects. In time, evidence will emerge and hopefully perpetrator(s) identified. However, even then, regardless of how concrete the evidence, some will cling to their pet theory, their favorite specter of evil. Why do some people seem to relish conflict, to enjoy speaking evil of others, to deny truth when it does not match their imaginations? Why do others (and there may be some overlap in the two subsets) love to harm others, rejoice in the death of innocent bystanders, and clamor for recognition as murderers even when they did not perform the act? One truth I know: this is not a new phenomenon. When a tower fell and killed others in the time of Jesus, some assert that the dead surely had sinned against God. Jesus rebutted their claim (see Luke 13:1-3). Most people who experienced the explosions in Boston or were affected directly by them will bear emotional and perhaps also physical scars for a long time. Some of them, like a father whose eight year old son died¸ whose wife and daughter were severely injured will grieve and second-guess themselves about their presence there that day. Sights, smells, and sounds will linger and haunt. Many will recover as they help one another, as they search for meaning in life, as they learn to love again and to forgive. Still, some people will gloat. They will celebrate horror, death, and amputations of people they never met. Others, much like them, will grieve if the actual murderer is not from the group they suspected. How may we help? Pray. Love. Forgive (It will help us heal.). Serve. Search for true answers. Be patient with others while doing our best. Whether the explosions were set by a foreign or domestic terrorist, a deranged individual who didn't understand what they were doing, or a prankster (Let us pray it was not the last.), horrible evil has happened. We must not allow the evil to envelop our own souls. As we seek justice, we ourselves must avoid hurting the innocent and slandering the investigator. We do not have to become terrorists to overcome terrorism. We must however act, not cower, as we go forward. Comfort the suffering. Honor the dead. Live with courage and integrity. Be agents of good in a context clouded by evil.